Read 'em and Weep
by a1boogz
Summary: The gang from Cowboy Bebop gets caught up in a nice adventure. Al-I-bus says read it or I'll throw a $^&$#(@# temper tantrum!!!!!!


8/6/01  
  
AL-I-Bus Presents  
  
A Cowboy Bebop Fanfiction  
  
Read 'Em and Weep  
  
I do not own Cowboy Bebop or any of its characters. The idea behind the fanfiction is my own property as well as all of the fanfiction's plot.  
  
Here I am friends. Floating around, writing when I feel like it. I know its been a while, but hey. Nothing new outta the Eva front right now, but I'm gonna drop this fic cuz I wanna If you like it, holla, if not, holla. Just make sense when u drop me a line, thats all I ask.  
  
Al-I-Bus the grimee gangsta AKA gotty  
  
" Enough already! Play the damn cards!" Faye flinched slightly, the smirk sliding slowly from her face. Jet always did have that mood changing ability. Sighing slightly, the pretty little freeloader turned over the cards one by one.  
  
Ten of spades.  
  
Spike's chair squeaked in protest as he leaned back slightly, a cloud of smoke wafting from his mouth.  
  
Jack of spades.  
  
His eyebrow twitched slightly, while Jet's eye's widened.  
  
Queen of spades.  
  
Both of Faye's playing partners leaned forward expectantly, the forgotten cigarette dropping from Spike's mouth.  
  
The yellow-clad trickstress grinned like the Cheshire cat as she slid her finger playfully along the edge of the last card. Her eyes darted back and forth between Jet and Spike and a slight giggle started to well up from deep inside her chest.  
  
The giggle, however, never made it.  
  
THWOOMP, TAP TAP TAP TAP, CRASH!!!!!!!!!!! " Yay!!! Rain!!!!!"  
  
The table flipped into the air and the cards danced their way back down to the floor. Wretched thing, that gravity.  
  
Ed zoomed between the players, Ein on her heels. She zipped around the couch, leaping over Jet's head and plopping down into Spike's lap. " Hooray!! Ed wins Ein!!" She took a look at the players, gave them an almighty boodah and sped out of the room. Faye's eyebrow twitched.  
  
" Well, that's game I guess," Jet stood wiping a few pesky beads of perspiration from his forehead. " I'm gonna go get the grub ready. How do bell peppers and beef sound?"  
  
Spike's chair collapsed, unable to hold him as he contorted violently in fits of laughter. Faye hadn't moved yet. Her eyebrow still twitching. The laughing rang off the metal ceiling filling the room. Faye's eyebrow twitching increased.  
  
The level of his chortling decreasing, Spike rolled over onto his front. He began to climb to all fours, but collapsed as another spasm of laughter shook his body. Faye's eyebrow stopped twitching.  
  
" SHUT UP!!!!!!" a loud crack replaced the laughter and silence filled the new void. Then Faye stormed out of the room and Spike began to moan. " Jet," she called over her shoulder, " We gotta get a new table."  
  
The sun glared off the crystalline surface of the sea as the bebop splashed down into its dock. Steam jutted out of the exhaust openings as she cruised to a soft stop. It was a beautiful day in Caladria.  
  
" Caladria is a small moon of Tuscany in the Orioton system. Mainly due to its beautiful beaches, wondrous weather, and daintily clad (not to mention readily willing) female residents the moon is a prime resort spot. Hot springs dot the Western side of the rock, and mountains to the north provide visitors with ample areas for skiing and other types of winter play. The entire Eastern side of the moon is covered with water. Our reconnaissance information points to the target hiding out somewhere south of the western resorts. The area to the south of the continent is a bit uncharted and the terrain is diverse. We know there is a bit of a jungle down there, as well as a decently sized desert. Good hunting Jet."  
  
Jet nodded, closing the connection to the client and shutting off his laptop. Hopefully they would finish this quietly, quickly, and without too much excess damage. A loud smash rang out from the back of the ship. Jet sighed and ran a hand over his head.  
  
Yeah right.  
  
A bird that had been flying through the sky suddenly stiffened and plummeted down to the ground. Landing with a hollow thump at Spike's feet. Gulping her turned to the person behind him.  
  
Faye stood about ten feet away, her face the visage of pure terror. To his relief, though, she refused to let her gaze land on him. As he watched she turned her field of vision to the sea beneath the deck. There was a wild splashing noise, and as Spike leaned over the edge to see what was causing such commotion, a rather large fish leapt out of the water. It arced almost gracefully through the air, body twisting in pure agony. Then, with a final wrench, it stiffened and dropped back into the surf. Spike swallowed hard. " If looks could kill my dear..."  
  
The author pounds furiously on his keyboard, hunched over in the darkness. As we approach carefully he whips his head around and traps us with his steely gaze.  
  
" Yes...?"  
  
We gulp, our breathing shallows, and our pupils contract. We are frightened. " I know that last scene had nothing to do with anything. But I wanted to write it." Suddenly a hamster stiffens up and drops dead at our feet. The author turns his gaze back to the computer, which promptly begins to emit sparks. " You got a problem with it?" We flee. Screaming.  
  
" ...And that's all the info we got to go on people. Now get out there and find him. This is a big one." Jet shut down the comm. And turned to Ed. " Okay kid, your turn." Ed nodded happily and assumed her normal position. Pounding away at the keyboard with her toes, she began to search all of the criminal databases in Caladria, trying to find some sort of a pattern. Organized crime often followed patterns and this guy was most certainly the head of an organized crime syndicate.  
  
Faye and Spike both launched their crafts from the deck of the bebop heading into one of the resort towns. Landing on the edge of town, they made their way to the nearest bar in a hope to gather some sort of information. Here is where our story rejoins them....  
  
" Spike?" he stopped, turning his head to her, her gaze was not fit to kill any longer. " Don't let any of the pretties in there distract you too much. This is a big reward ya know." He sighed, scratching his head. " Faye, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were jealous." He turned to push the bar door open, but instead felt a searing pain burn into his back. " OW! Faye, please quit looking at me like that."  
  
" Step right up folks! Care to try your luck in a friendly game of chance?" Tearing her fiery gaze away from Spike's back, Faye spotted the small time hustler leaning against the wall. Before him, on a small table were three cups and a ball. Faye grinned, devil-like. This could be fun.  
  
" Oh sir! I've heard about these games. Honey! Honey!" Faye yanked Spike up from the ground by a tender ear, " Put some woolongs up, this gentleman here wants to play with us." Spike only murmured something incoherent about being unable to hear frigid bitches speak. Faye scowled at him, reached into his pocket, pulled his wallet out, dumped a wad of bills on the table, and dropped Spike back to the floor. Turning to the wide-eyed dealer, she smiled innocently. " Ok sir! I'm ready to play!"  
  
The dealer, smiled and slipped the ball under one of the cups, dancing it around the table, he made it easy for Faye to win. " Yay!" Faye continued with her incredibly droll attitude, " I win! Lets go again." Spike began to drag himself off of the dirty ground once more, determined to not allow himself to be bludgeoned again. He smiled as he watched Faye play the uninformed player.  
  
Ten minutes later the dealer stood astounded. This girl had continued to win, even as he increased his tempo. There was no way she was this lucky, or good, unless.....  
  
" Excuse me ma'am, but I do believe you're cheating me." Faye smiled knowingly and nodded. " As if you weren't gonna cheat me. But that's not the important issue." The would be player gulped as he heard a gun cock behind his head, " How about we go somewhere and talk a little....  
  
" Ein look at this!!! Yahoo! Ed found something!" Jet tore his eyes away from the temperature scan of the southern region of the planet and turned to Ed's monitor. A jumble of information was on the screen. Jet winced as his head began to hurt. " Ooohmba luumba drall?" He read. Head swiveling over to Ed he raised an eyebrow. " Care to explain honey?" Ed nodded vigourosly.  
  
" This is a financial record of funds transfers for all of the casino owners here on Caldaria. All of the niceeeee people have been paying the government their due as well as all of their other expenses very on time like. But lookee lookee!" She pointed to three absolutely undecipherable lines of, what Jet could only assume was information, " These are the final profits of each owner. But here," she pointed again, " these are all transfers for exactly 25% of that amount, and there are two a month."  
  
Even Jet's aching skull could process that information. " Aaaahhh, bingo! So they take what's leftover and bring it in cash to their man, who then pays them their due." He rubbed at his jaw thoughtfully, " but Ed," She was bouncing up and down, holding tightly onto Ein, who was whimpering in absolute terror. Sighing Jet, readjusted the gravity field around her, and she plopped to the ground with a plunk. " Do you have a record of who is paying them?" The child genius, rubbed her sore rump, and pulled Ein out from underneath her. Tapping the keyboard a few more times, she turned the monitor to face the boring adult.  
  
"Caladrian funds exchange?" He was confused now, why would a currency exchange place be used as a cover? Ed was a few steps ahead of him. Growling at Ein, she bapped her computer a bit more and a few more lines of data scrolled into view. Jet read thoughtfully. It made sense now. " Good work kid, but think along with me. Ed? Ed? Pay attention!" she let Ein's tail drop out of her mouth and meekly crawled over to Jet. " All of these fellows receive these payments from off-planet sources, one a foreign lottery pay off, another an industrial investment in those wretched Sea Rats, and the final in a baseball club." Ed nodded eagerly and Jet continued. " These investments are all from areas that do not use the woolong as currency, and thus," he paused with a flourish, preparing for his big logical finish, " the funds exchange gets the cash into a nice cool, usable form." Ed almost completed the back flip, but slipped a bit upon landing. Crumbling into a heap she squeaked out  
confirmation.  
  
Jet tossed a couple of doggy treats her way. Sure it seemed cruel, but she seemed to have taken quite a liking to them. Now to find this hideout. A small cloud of dust began to gather as Ed and Ein grappled on the floor for the treats.  
  
The silence was echoing. If silence could echo that is. Two pairs of eyes scanned the area. A pair of tumbleweeds began to roll down the block, but realized the cliché they presented and made a quick left. Faye's head poked out of the window a little further. Suddenly a pair of strong hands forced the rest of her body out of the window. Those hands did linger a little bit on her bottom she noticed, not unhappily. From the ground she glared at Spike, but the heavily tinted windows on their " borrowed car" were already rolled up. That probably saved his life.  
  
Dusting herself off as she stood, Faye approached the marked building and prepared to begin her routine. As she crossed the doorway, she stumbled and fell to the ground, clutching an ankle. As she stretched down to reach her " injury" he shorts rode up her legs in a nicely suggestive way, and her " shirt" (for lack of a better word) gave any passerby a beautiful view.  
  
Seconds stretched into minutes and minutes into tens of minutes as she waited for someone to come out of the building to help this " damsel" in dire need. She even tried to change the nature of her moans, switching from pain to a more, errrm.... " appealing" motif. To her dismay not only did no one come out to investigate, but also a passing female on the street stopped and called her a bunch of names, before storming off. Ruffled, she jumped up from the ground and stormed back to the car, only to find it locked, and Spike gone. Growling she promised him pain upon his return.  
  
Spike was having trouble stifling his laughter as he neared the back of the facility. Faye had been a rather good actress. Such a shame that no one had thought to catch it on film. It would have made quite the entertainment film. Ah well. He pushed thoughts of joy and revelry out of his mind as he neared the window. Dollar signs replaced his pupils, and he reached into his pocket. Withdrawing an oddly shaped tool, he pressed it against the glass, which slid away from the frame with a soft hiss a few seconds later. Peeking his head over the edge of the windowsill Spike glanced around. Satisfied that no one was looking he slid into the building.  
  
Jackpot! The room he landed in was full of sealed crates, but an unmistakable icy aroma floated through the air. Crystal meth. It was being stored here. That street hustler had proven quite useful; supplying them with wonderful information and a car. Nice guy. Spike made a mental note to drop him a Christmas card and then slid to the door. He pressed his ear to it for a few moments then slowly pushed it open.  
  
It wasn't that bad. There were only four of them, although they were fully automatic. He had definitely survived worse odds than that before. The fifth man, bald and unarmed, smiled at him, " What's up bounty hunter, pretty girl out there, you almost had us fooled." He nodded and the guns opened fire.  
  
The silence was cut by the faint sound of gunplay. Some might have mistaken it for a machine inside, but Faye was, after all, a bounty hunter. She pulled out a pistol from god knows where and sprinted towards the door. They better not have hurt her partner.  
  
The guard that sat behind the security desk was innocent. Really. He didn't work for the syndicate. He was just a guard who worked for a company who randoml;y assigned him to different sites for the day. Of course Faye didn't realize that when she blew the door open, rolled into the room, and busted a few shots off in his direction. He went down and didn't get up again. Somewhere Jet's head began to hurt again.  
  
The next group of grunts, who rushed into the room, weren't so innocent, so it wasn't a problem, as Faye dumped a few rounds in their direction and slid behind the security desk for cover. As usual a bullet snapped close by her, conveniently close enough to give her bosom a nice little jiggle. Paying it no mind, even as a dozen or so fanboys pressed their acne-covered noses against the window to look, she quickly reloaded while lobbing a concussion grenade at her " hosts". They were no more.  
  
Hurrying through the rest of the lobby and into the back she approached the gunfire cautiously.  
  
Spike had managed to fling himself backwards in just the nick of time, kicking the door shut as he flew through the air. He clutched the wound in his thigh, paying the blood that dripped to the floor no mind as he also rolled a grenade towards the door. His luck wasn't as good as Faye's however, and his attackers managed to get to cover as the door blew.  
  
Scrambling on all fours, and slipping in his own blood, Spike managed to duck behind a crate of crystal meth just as a burst of automatic fire rang out.  
  
The hail of bullets continued, as his buddies approached him. They were evidently highly trained, as there were never less than three of them firing, as the fourth reloaded. Suddenly four shots rang out above the din of the automatic fire, and the room fell silent. Daring a peak around the side of the box, Spike was amazed to find Faye standing in the doorway grinning and whirling her gun around on a finger, Doc Holiday style. She was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. Boy he was glad to see her sometimes.  
  
Faye held back a giggle as Spike sheepishly rubbed his head. She was waiting for his explanation it would be fun. Suddenly, he whipped his pistol up at her. She stared into the hole. It was dark in there, the darkness reached out to her, threatening to swallow her. His eyes were cold steel, her breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped a beat.  
  
The gun went off.  
  
A dull thump sounded somewhere behind her, and she turned to see a bald man bleed profusely from a wound in his shoulder. Skittering away from him on the floor was a sawed off shotgun. Closed-casket attempting bastard.  
  
Spike grabbed her with both arms as she kicked the guy in his privates again. Poor fellow, he was only doing his job.  
  
" AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH GOD HAVE MERCY I BEG OF YOU HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Spike cringed again as the man's screaming continued. Dude's name turned out to be Dominic Spinx. Jet pulled up his file; they would turn him in after they got any relevant information outta him. He was worth a pretty penny himself. He was a higher up in the syndicate, basically, the head of the head grunts. After dressing his wound they locked up in one of the cabins. A few moments later they had allowed Ed to enter. The screaming had begun shortly after.  
  
Faye snipped off the final piece of bandage, which covered his flesh wound, and then punched Spike rather forcefully in the gut. As he bent over, she crossed his jaw, and none too lightly. His head snapped back, eyes shutting, only to snap open a moment later as she stomped down hard on his foot. Painful feelings lanced throughout his body, and stars flashed before his eyes. She reached out, grabbed one of the stars, smashed it over his head, then dragged him up onto the couch.  
  
Spike jerked his head back, banging it painfully on the wall as she brought her face to within centimeters of his. She smelled nicely intoxicating. " The first punch was for grabbing my ass when you pushed me out of the window. The second was for pushing me out of the window. The foot stomp was for locking the car, and," she winked at him, " the final blow was for almost getting killed."  
  
" After all," she raised the level of her voice a few octaves, trying to draw Jet into the conversation, " if you get killed, whose gonna help me raise the baby?" She rubbed a hand tenderly over her stomach. Jet shot Spike a knowing glance, as he waved his hands in protest, Faye's laughter cut through the silence.  
  
Wait....somethings not right.....silence.....hmmm....wait a minute... Silence!?  
  
Jet yanked the door open to find that their captive was shuddering in silent agony. Countless bite marks covered his legs and arms, and Ed was currently trying her hardest to pull every last hair out of his nose. He laughed, " So Dom, ready to tell us anything yet?"  
  
The constant slamming against the door couldn't have been helping matters much. There was a brief span of silence, then, a savage roar blared out and something smashed into the thin layer of metal with a thud crunch. The room's occupants heard a dull whimper as Ed bounced off and slid to the floor.  
  
Thankful that she had tired herself out, Faye turned back to the hostage. " So what're you telling me Dom," she turned her head daintily and let a small puff of smoke slip out from between her lips, " is that the guy's a ghost, a spook story, a shield?" The captive nodded his head quickly.  
  
" Look lady, its like I said," he stopped short and whipped his head around to the vibrating door.  
  
" ED'S VIGOUR HAS RETURNED!!!!!!" a high pitched voice squealed from the other side of the door. Dom took a nice deep breath before continuing.  
  
" There ain't nobody in charge. Us crooks over here in Caladria, we made up the name. Keeps the heat off us ya know?"  
  
Faye shook her head sadly, running her fingers lightly along the edge of the table she had propped herself up on. Bending her back down to meet her tracings caused Dom's eyes to zoom in on her " oh so" bountiful bosom, as it threatened to spill into view. Just as his head began to slide down, Faye grabbed a handful of hair and thrust the gentleman's face roughly onto the surface of the table.  
  
" I AM UNCONVINCED!!!"  
  
Behind them, a door continued to whine in protest as a monster pounded relentlessly upon it.  
  
Jet and Spike sat in the cockpit, directing the craft to the police station. Well regardless of how their search for the boss went, they'd cash in on this one. Spike took a long pull from a cigarette, " Hey where're the girls?"  
  
Jet dropped their " prisoner" onto the floor, in front of the circulation desk at the police station. Immediately several armed officers appeared from nowhere, weapons trained on the group. As Jet explained the situation, Spike glanced around the lobby.  
  
Obviously, due to the commotion, every gaze in the room was trained on them, but Spike noticed one specifically, that was a bit different from the others. This one flitted back between the prisoner and the captors. Spike noticed Dom's gaze lock with his for a moment, and something unspoken pass between the two of them.  
  
Not waiting for the situation to turn horribly wrong, Spike strolled casually over to the man, ignoring the barked out orders of the officers to remain still, in addition to ignoring their intimidating weapons. He reached out to the man and clapped him hard on the back, greeting him like an old friend.  
  
" How ya doin there Rickey!!!!! Its been so long!"  
  
The man's eyes widened in confusion, and he inched away from Spike slowly. " Hey Rick!!! Aintcha glad ta see me? After the way we used ta lock things down. This is the greeting I get?" He pressed in closer to the officer, who suddenly, pushed Spike back.  
  
" I don't have the faintest idea who you are son, and furthermore if you touch me again you're gonna find yourself in a cell."  
  
Spike's grin widened. " Excellent." He turned to Jet, winked, then spun around and punched " Rickey" in the mouth as hard as he could. As several officers pounded him to the ground, he blurted out, just before unconciousness set in, " I wanna share a cell wit Dom!"  
  
----  
  
His eyes blinked once or twice, before snapping open. The sudden intrusion of light caused his field of vision to start to spin terribly, so he shut his eyes again, tightly, and waited for the wave of nasea to pass. Once it did, Spike cautiously opened his eyes again.  
  
The first thing he saw was Dom sitting on his cot. Spike smiled wildly. Aside from the incessant throbbing in his temple, he felt ok, nothing broken at least. Dom hadn't realized that he had woken up yet.  
  
The thug of thugs sat, muttering, on the cot.  
  
" Just my piece of shit luck, eh...sigh. I'm about to cap the chick and I gets hit wit a shot right in the shoulder. Next thing I know I'm locked in a room with this bio freak, and then these two chicks are torturing me for information."  
  
As he shifted his weight, Spike noticed that it didn't seem like Dom was speaking to himself. No it didn't appear that way at all. In fact he seemed to be speaking very freely with someone.  
  
" Yeah, yeah, I know the friggin deal but look...I'll be over there in say, fifteen or twenty minutes alright...good alright."  
  
There was a soft ping as some sort of communications array shut down, then Dom shifted his weight again. Spike continued to watch him through narrow slits that only allowed the most menial shafts of light to penetrate. The throbbing in his skull increased.  
  
No guards paced the hallways, but Spike figured they were deep in the jail anyway. He had attacked an officer for no reason at all.  
  
Dom rose up and walked closer to Spike, suddenly. Spike noticed that as Dominic drew nearer, the throbbing ins his head grew even louder. Then he realized why.  
  
The throbbing wasn't in his head.  
  
That was when the wall caught on fire. Ok fine, caught on fire isn't a real good description. I guess you could say it flew into the room, showering both occupants with layer of debris and dust. Now the hallway was a flurry of activity.  
  
Figures rushed around, and noise sucked the very air out of the jail, this was the scene that Spike opened his eyes too maybe thirty seconds after the initial blast had shaken his senses. He saw movement near the wall, and willed himself to his feet as he watched Dom slide through the hole in the wall.  
  
Spike pulled out his transpoder locator, and checked it to see that it was working correctly. It was, his hunch had paid off, now he was going to get back to the ship. He made a left when he dipped from the cell.  
  
It wasn't the first wave of bullets that bothered him so much. It was the wave after, the wave after, the wave after, the first wave of bullets that bugged him. Spike rolled through an open doorway, and crouched against a locker, allowing himself to catch a breath.  
  
Steam rolled through faulty pipes above his head, filling the room with a sogginess that could almost be touched. As he sloshed through it, pings of water pattered the floor, and his head. The backdoor leapt out of the thickness and forced its way into his surroundings. Gasping in protest, the door gave way after the third kick, and Spike was free. He dipped the few blocks to the port and spotted the Bebop. He pressed a button on his wristband, and began to fill in Jet on what he had learned. They would be moving shortly.... 


End file.
